Blog Post

Expressing Your Needs in a Relationship Is Not Needy, It Is Necessary

There are a variety of ways to express your needs, yet many people find it to be challenging. Think about times when you were in a situation where it was easier to push away your partner instead of becoming vulnerable and sharing what you need. It is probably much easier to withdraw then to show your vulnerable side.

Three Goals are Achieved

Provides a role model for your partner

By expressing your needs, you help set the tone for your relationship where you both can be honest and vulnerable together. Asserting your needs to your partner allows you to get your needs met in a healthy manner. Once your partner sees that you can be open, chances are it will help lead them to do the same. Asserting your needs can attract females. Instead of coming across as “needy”, it will most likely be perceived as “sexy”. In addition, this will help decrease feeling blamed and attacked.

Ensure your needs are met in the relationship

By expressing your needs and becoming vulnerable, you are making it easier for your needs to be met by your partner. When was the last time your partner was able to read your mind? I know that I have never been able to read anyone’s mind…not sure I want to have that gift. Your partner will never have to guess how you feel about something or what something means to you. It will be your responsibility to allow your walls to drop and let your partner inside your inner world.

Helps you choose the right partner

Expressing your needs in the beginning of your relationship will help you recognize if your prospective partner is able to meet your needs. Your date’s response and/or reaction reveals more in five minutes than you’ll learn over the next several months without this type of approach. It is a direct approach, however it may save you a lot of time, money, energy, and headaches. If the other person shows genuine interest in meeting your needs, you have a better chance of a promising future. If not, it may be best to move on.
Do yourself a favor and try using the direct approach of expressing your needs. This may be the answer to finding the “right one”. Many women that I have treated with relational issues have identified that their primary request from their male partners is to learn how to help them express their needs. In couple’s counseling, the transformation that occurs when partners become vulnerable and express their needs is incredible. Couples gain a deeper understanding of their partner’s position on various issues. Generally speaking, it is a win-win situation!

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