Blog Post

Two Birds – Same Goal

I was sitting in my backyard watching two birds build their nest (or should I say attempt to) in preparation for the birth of their off springs. I found this experience to be enjoyable witnessing both birds working as a team towards the same goal. Their goal was to prepare a place for the female bird to lay her eggs and nurture them to birth… positive efforts made for their soon to be family.

Now, you may ask, how on Earth does she relate this to marriage? It is quite simple. The same way these two birds were working towards the same goal, it would equate in a marriage where you have two individuals working towards nurturing their marriage. What would that look like with a married couple?

In a marital relationship, the goals should align and be supported by each partner. To provide you with a concrete example, before getting married you and your partner may have agreed on the number of children you would like to have. You may have said something like “It would be nice if we could have three children”. Both partners agreed to that goal, however, maybe after having child #2, you both had a change of heart and decided that having two children is fulfilling.

Now, that is working towards the same goal and adjusting the goal when both partners agree.

What happens though when one partner does not agree with the adjusted goal? It appears that a dialogue needs to occur to gain an understanding of each partner’s dreams behind their desire. What you are working towards is to align with the same goal without either partner sacrificing their needs being met. This may require compromising to happen with yielding towards both partners winning.

To go back to my example of the number of children, a compromise may be willing to naturally try getting pregnant with another child within a specified amount of time. Whatever the outcome, both partners must agree to accept God’s will.

Many couples feel challenged in this area of sharing similar goals which may trigger escalated arguments most likely leaving both partners feeling emotionally distressed. The secret is to utilize the tool of compromising to allow both partners to identify their core needs and areas of flexibility towards a win-win situation.

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